S.A.H.M. is it every mom's calling?

This post has been at least ten years in the making if you count the years I have been a mom, twenty if you count the years I have been a working part of society. You see unlike some I have never been able to separate the two. I started working in the food industry when I was fourteen all the while dreaming of one day being a wife and mother. I think at a young age I assumed I would be solely a stay at home mom. As I neared the end of high school my parents stressed the importance of going to college and getting a degree and for that I am very grateful. At first I didn't know what I wanted to major in but after two years at community college majoring in art I took a look at my life until that point and my God given talents and decided that a degree in the culinary arts is what I wanted to pursue. So at that time my possible future career goals put marriage and a family on hold. James encouraged me to finish college before we got married and for that I am grateful to him. I am thankful to my parents for encouraging me to get the tools needed to pursue a career and for James' consistent support of me finding outlets to use those tools I gained over four years of school and $50,000+ in scholarships and grants.

So when we decided to move back from Madison because we were pregnant with Grace, the questions started about me leaving my chef/ management job and choosing to stay home with Grace. So my choosing to be a stay at home mom was criticized but James and I weighed it all out and after having to pay for childcare there was really no financial benefit to me working outside the home. We have never had the luxury of free childcare as some do with the option of a family member watching our children. Thankfully I have been blessed with jobs that I could do from home for most of the last 10 years. God knows we could have never kept our heads above water if I wasn't able to help bring in some sort of income. So first I was criticized for considering to stay home with Grace, then when I did get a job that allowed me to contribute financially and be home with my kids I was criticized for working at all.

Every few years since I became a mom I would get this itch to cook and/or bake professionally and I was able to find a few opportunities outside the home during times when James would be home with the kids and for that I am grateful. I am glad I didn't let what was once a fire in me to pursue a culinary career grow cold and die because if I ever do want to resurrect it again it would have made me very undesirable to be hired by anyone.

The last few years it has always been the plan for me to go back to work once the kids were in school and once again I find myself being criticized for now hanging up my stay at home mom apron for a few hours a day a few days a week to work outside the home while the kids are in school or home with with their dad. There is a saying: do what you know in your heart is right for you will be criticized anyway. This is so true, because it seems no matter what I have chosen to do with the benefit of my family the forefront of my mind I have always been criticized. It is especially hard to understand when it comes from friends and family though. No one besides James and I know all the in and outs of our financial history, how much we have had to learn over the years most the time the hard way through trial and error. I can't imagine standing by watching my husband who already bares most of the burden of the stress of our finances and of providing for our family carrying that all alone. So, so help me God if there was or is ever away for me to alleviate some of the stress and some of that burden I am going to.

I was raised with a strong work ethic from my father and also to know the benefits of staying home with my children as much as possible from my mother and I know from experience I can do both and have it be the best thing for our family. It is never James and my desire to have the biggest house or the nicest car or take the best vacations, but it is our desire to be debt free and have some money saved for the future and maybe to be able to take a vacation every few years at least and to have a little extra to allow the kids to participate in extra curricular activities etc..

So this is why I work, because it was ingrained in me from a young age, because it means being able to teach my kids what healthy finances look like, and because I believe being a mom doesn't mean you can't work too if that's what is best for your family in the big picture. I want my kids to grow up knowing that being a parent especially for my girls doesn't mean you die to the dreams and aspirations you had outside of  being a parent. If your dream is to be a stay at home parent and financially you are able to pursue that dream then God bless you, but please don't judge someone else who financially and consciously can't do the same.

I have learned especially in the past year that I am a better mom when I can help make our family's financial situation better and when I can have an outlet to be the other things I am in addition to being a mom and a wife. I have more patience with my kids and husband now and I enjoy the time we do have together more because I am not consumed with feeling that I can't help us be in a better place financially. I also am more relaxed when it comes to not having the house being perfect because when that was the only thing I felt I had control over or as an outlet for my energy I was obnoxious about it or would get depressed and give up because it was a never ending exhaustive cycle.

My life feels like it is the most balanced it has ever been, so although from the outside I may look busier than ever, I am actually spending more time being and playing with my kids than ever instead of picking up after them or nagging them about making messes. For some moms staying at home exclusively is what they are called to do and they have been blessed to fulfill that calling and find joy in it. But I have seen others who are stay at home moms and have so neglected anything they once were that they are depressed or so frustrated they take it out on their kids or once their kids leave home expect their husbands to fill the void left and are frustrated that he can't and it damages their relationship sometimes beyond repair. Sorry for the long rant but maybe this will help someone think twice before they judge someone for being a full time stay at home mom, a part time stay at home mom or a mom who has to work full time.

The Oldest Trick in The Book

2 Corinthians 11:3

New International Version (NIV)

³ But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.

Genesis 3

The Message (MSG)

3 The serpent was clever, more clever than any wild animal God had made. He spoke to the Woman: “Do I understand that God told you not to eat from any tree in the garden?”

^2-3 The Woman said to the serpent, “Not at all. We can eat from the trees in the garden. It’s only about the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, ‘Don’t eat from it; don’t even touch it or you’ll die.’”
^4-5 The serpent told the Woman, “You won’t die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you’ll see what’s really going on. You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil.”
⁶ When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she’d know everything!—she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate.
⁷ Immediately the two of them did “see what’s really going on”—saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves.
⁸ When they heard the sound of God strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from God.
⁹ God called to the Man: “Where are you?”
¹⁰ He said, “I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid.”
¹¹ God said, “Who told you you were naked? Did you eat from that tree I told you not to eat from?”
¹² The Man said, “The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it.”
God said to the Woman, “What is this that you’ve done?”


I find myself asking how it seems that an increasing number of people do not "see". Even those who say they love God do not see the world as He intended it to be.
 I believe the answer lies in Genesis 3:4-5
We have all taken a bite of the forbidden fruit in that we have all sinned. In ordered to sin it first takes questioning what did God really say and then letting the lie tumble around in our head for a while, sometimes not very long. Then we take a bite and take the lie into ourselves and sin in trading the truth of God for a lie. 

Romans 1:25

Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)

²⁵ They traded the truth of God for a lie. They bowed down and worshiped the things God made instead of worshiping the God who made those things. He is the one who should be praised forever. Amen.

The above account says after they "saw" they sewed clothes for themselves out of fig leaves in an attempt to cover their shame and then they hid in the trees from God. I believe that is where a lot of people still are: in the dark picking out which outfit of fig leaves they will wear today because they ate the forbidden fruit, bought the lie. Some people have gone as far as to accept the lie as the truth and say what God's word says is old fashioned we now see "what's really going on." 
God calls to all of us to come out of the trees or the dark, to step into the light, to answer the answer the question "what is this that you've done?" 
Sometimes even when we have made it this far our first instinct is to do just as the first man and woman did and pass the blame to someone else or to the fact that it is what everyone else it saying and doing. 
God wants us once we have come out of hiding to realize that our makeshift deeds will never cover our sin and the guilt and shame that go with it. He wants to us trade our fig leaves for garments of righteousness that came at the expense of the sacrifice of His Son. Only then can we walk again with Him. Even after all that God said that life would still be hard and sometimes painful because of sin but because of Jesus we will be able to one day be free of the consequences of sin and return to paradise. 

Watch this video, this account of Genesis 3 is amazing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1Z9No9TPHM

Noise

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Greatest Gift

13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. ² And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,^[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.

 

James and I were just discussing this verse the other night. It reminds me that I don't want to be just noise. The verse says a sounding brass or clanging cymbal. Those are just irritating noise not music to the ears. They are noises that people will tune out or move far away from so they don't have to listen to it anymore. Love is music to the soul, it makes someone want to hear you because they know you care. Great things done with love point to a great God who is love and give Him the glory. Sacrifice with love points to Jesus,the one who made the ultimate sacrifice.

 

If you just share knowledge without love it will fall on deaf ears. Love is like water which softens the soil of the heart that allows that seed of knowledge to take root and grow. If we do great things without love it will point to us as the source of greatness, that it was done for our glory. If we sacrifice without love it is also for our benefit, so that people think highly of us.

 

An example I will use is the issue of abortion. What if I were to tell you what the Bible says about how God feels about the unborn and the sanctity of life? What if I added to that statistics about the emotional, spiritual and physical consequences of abortion? What if I marched on Washington with 600,000+ others? What if I donated items to my local crisis pregnancy center? All of these things above done without love profit me nothing and may sound like noise.

 

What if instead I open my heart up to the possibility of adopting an unwanted child if that is God's will for me? What if instead I sit across from a woman facing an unwanted pregnancy and listen to her story and instead of judgement show her grace? What if instead of just making a donation of things to a crisis pregnancy center I donate my time?

 

I am not saying speaking up against abortion is wrong and speaking for children without a voice is just noise. But have we considered that the mother may feel she doesn't have a voice either. I can say from experience that many of them feel that they don't. I have sat across from some of them who have every voice in their life telling them that they need to have an abortion. Do our voices just sound like more noise to them?

 

I have to believe there is something within them screaming that this isn't right, even if it's been muffled by a lifetime of pro choice propaganda. Will we just try to drowned out all that noise she's heard with some more of our own? Or will we listen first with love and grace and when the soil of her heart has softened then share the truth and give her what she needs now that she is more likely to accept it because she knows you love and care for her and not just her baby? This also applies not just to those face the decision for themselves but those who believe in the right of it for others. We need to listen to them and extend love and grace in the conversations we have with them.

 

Now I just used this issue because it is one that has been on the forefront of my mind lately but this verse is to be applied to every area of our lives. Ask yourself am I just noise or am I trying to draw attention to myself through my great deeds or what I give? It might help to ask a few people closest to you if you can't answer it easily for yourself. Do they feel loved when they don't agree with you? Is what you are doing with you time and energy giving glory to God or you? We can waste our breaths and our energy and our resources our whole lives and it will profit us nothing, for it will be a waste without love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-2dKOfbC9c

Unplugged

This entry is a result of a heaviness on my heart this morning. Maybe by writing it will help ease some of the weight I feel in my chest. It all started with a question that was posed recently in a group discussion, "Have you seen the power of God evident in your life?" In a small group of people, most of whom have a professed faith in God, there was a grievous lack of examples of God's power. After I got over my initial jarring the thought came to me that power comes from being plugged into a source. The lack of evidence of God's power was not because it is dormant, it is because we have unplugged from the source of all power. As I stated yesterday God does not change. He is the same God today as he was from the beginning of the world. He has no beginning or end, He is the infinite source of all things.

So what has changed: us. How can we be plugged into Him when we can't unplug ourselves from distractions like our phones or other media,etc? We look for fulfillment in how many people like our status update on Facebook or our new profile picture. I am not being judgemental. I am guilty of this as well. I have been challenged lately to change my investment portfolio so to speak. To reevaluate where I am investing my time and energy. When I look back on my life, I know I will mourn all the hours wasted on the pursuit of the approval of man. That is the fueling force behind this world. We can spend our lives living for things that will burn up when tested by fire or we can invest in things that will have an eternal impact and by things I mean people, people other than ourselves.

So why do we settle for a counterfeit purpose to our lives when we can have the genuine article. Is it because of the cost? Salvation is free but sanctification is costly. It is costly because it is invaluable, the alternative is a cheap substitute that will not stand the test of time.

"More Than Useless"-Relient K

I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather

Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it

Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once

I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like he would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know

Hoarding

As I was praying this morning I had this connection with a show I watched last night and that I have watched many seasons of and the emotional condition of our lives. The show is Hoarders. I couldn't bring myself to watch the episode of the lady with the cats, who had used her house as a litter box and most of whom were sick and some who had died. To me it's just too sad when someone loves animals and takes on more than they can care for and ends up causing them pain and harm. Anyway back to what inspired this post. I was praying for someone in my life who has hoarded so much pain, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness in their heart that no one can come in. From outward appearances they have it all together but their relationships have become so distant and broken.

So in the show people, very broken people, surround themselves with things, sometimes things that may have value but sometimes it's just trash. I don't just watch the show out of curiosity, my heart breaks for them and it is good to see when someone has a break through and is helped. So the hoard that fills their homes was created by the individual but it takes many people to help them clean up the mess. Sometimes many years can go by, even decades before anyone else knows the condition they live in. Eventually it may spill into their yard and then the neighbors take notice or someone cares enough to push their way in and calls for help on their behalf. This need to hang on to things is often triggered by a catastrophic life event. They don't realize they are surrounding themselves with things to insulate themselves from pain or people that could cause them more pain. Sometimes there are even people that lived with them that get pushed out by all of the stuff. They subconsciously are trying to protect themselves but the stuff ends up hurting them and making them sick and could even kill them.

So the connection is that when we emotionally hoard things like unforgiveness and resentment we push people away and keep them from getting close. We may think that if I let go of this pain or I forgive I am letting the person or people that hurt me off the hook. We think we are protecting ourselves or insulating ourselves from further pain. The truth is life will continue to bring about pain and people will continue to hurt us so we end up just hoarding more unforgiveness and resentment as time goes by. Eventually it will overflow and will be noticeable or someone will care enough to push past the walls we have built around our hearts.

Just like the things and the trash in these homes creates stench and an environment that is harmful so does emotional hoarding. I'm sure you have heard of the term "stinkin' thinkin'". When you have stuffed so much junk down into your heart it will eventually start to stink. It will come out in your interactions with others. They may not even be the source of your pain but you will take it out on them because your mind and heart are full of rotting resentment. The people that come to help in the show often are seen as an enemy and have to endure hurtful words while they are there trying to rescue the hoarder from the mess they created.  Emotional hoarding will hurt the one who is doing it as well. It definitely hurts them emotionally and can eventually hurt them mentally and physically.

That is why God speaks so much about forgiveness. It is not to let the people who hurt us to have a free pass to keep doing so. It is an extension of what Jesus did for us on the cross. Forgiveness and grace were granted to us although we can never earn it or deserve it. God knows that unforgiveness will only hurt us and isolate us and also hurt those that love us.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZI

Ephesians 4:32

New International Version (NIV)

³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. "

 

Matthew 18: 21-22 NIV

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? “Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

 

“A forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note, torn in two and burned up, so that it can never be shown against the man. “ ~ Henry Ward Beecher

“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-forgiveness-20-encouraging-scripture-quotes/#ixzz2IoM1ePWH

Detour Ahead

I am going to share another treasure of truth that I found in Beyond Ordinary. In Exodus 14:10-12 the Israelites, in other words said, "We would prefer the absence of conflict, working as slaves in Egypt, to intimacy with God in the uncertainty of the wilderness." It is often no different with us. We will always be tempted to settle for the ordinary in "Egypt" rather than walking with God through the wilderness to extraordinary. God's greatest purpose for the people of Israel and us is not the destination but who we are becoming. God was willing to allow a nineteen-day journey from Egypt to Canaan to take forty years, not because He is bad with directions but because He is great with character development. God's wilderness detour was intended to refine the Israelites and to teach them about who He is. The Israelites needed to learn to love and trust God through the his provision in the wilderness so that they wouldn't forget Him in the Promised Land. In fact, God tells them that when they are fully provided for is the "time to be careful." Deuteronomy 8:11-18

Now this is no new revelation to me. I remember God laying this truth on my heart many years ago that it is up to me how long I spend in the wilderness. Based on the pruning and refining I let Him do it can take as long as needed and if I am resistant it will only take longer. One of the areas I am resistant in is financial security. I long for the day I can say I am financially secure, that is a Promised Land of sorts for me. I am not saying I want to be wealthy, I just desire to have enough to cover all the bills and enough in the bank to get through a disaster. But when I read Deuteronomy 8:11-18 it makes me realize that He delays full provision for our benefit so that we will be humble and realize He is the source of all we have. I will have to remind myself of this often because it is so easy for me to stumble back into stressing about finances.

There are numerous areas of my life that God in His wisdom keeps me in the wilderness to refine me. He wants me to recognize Him as the source for all things. Jesus in John 15:5(NIV) says“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." Jesus is the vine and God the Father is the gardener that does the pruning. I can't produce the fruits of patience or love or kindness just by mustering up enough willpower. I desire to have more of those things but desire is not enough. Sometimes I know I just wish He would give a greater measure of the character traits I want or need but He chooses to use pruning to grow those fruits in our lives. He uses difficult situations and people to grow these fruits in us. It is when we get to end of our stores of these things that we realize we need Him to fill us with another measure so we can extend love, patience, etc. into the situation or to others in our lives.  The purpose of the fruit is to bring glory to God and to show yourself as a disciple of Christ.

Now I know it may seem like I jumped track from Exodus and Deuteronomy in the Old Testament to John in the New Testament but it goes to show that God's character and purpose does not change. He is the same God He was with the Israelites that He is with us and always will be. His desire for people is always character development with the end being to become more like Him, resembling the image He created us in and restoring it from the one that has been marred by sin. While the Israelites were in a literal wilderness we are all in a figurative one that He uses to shape our character through refinement and to grow fruit in our lives through pruning.

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

The Desert Song-Hillsong



Iceberg

I stand in awe of what my Heavenly Father has been doing these last few weeks. There is too much to list. I don't want my first blog to be so long that no one will want to read future posts so I will focus on one thing He did to start.

I was listening to the radio and a couple by name of Justin and Trisha Davis were sharing some of their story and a book they had written called Beyond Ordinary. Some of what they shared resonated with my heart and I knew I wanted to read the book asap. Whenever I start a good book I am afraid to put it down because if I do I know the day to day busyness may prevent me from picking it up again for a very long time. So between loads of laundry and sinkfuls of dishes and picking up after my 3 blessings I devoured this book while my kids played and/ or watched cartoons.

One of the many things that stuck with me was the authors comparison of our lives to an iceberg. The comparison was that like an iceberg there is so much of our lives that most people do not see. Most of who we truly are is hidden below the water line. So the part of the iceberg or our lives that is visible is what we want people to see. The illusion is that there is so much more beneath the surface that we can choose to keep hidden. We do lower the water mark for those closest to us knowing that we can always raise again if we feel too vulnerable. So in a way this blog is me lowering the water mark just a bit, which makes me a little fearful. Putting my thoughts and what is on my heart out there for anyone to read and interpret as they will is a risk.

The reason I have chosen to do this is because as confirmed by a message I heard this week sharing the Gospel starts with sharing the story of what God has done in your life. It isn't having all of the answers to every  question the Bible evokes or knowing all the correct Theology and the original translation from Hebrew or Greek. It is about sharing your heart with others and knowing that part of God's plan for your story was to impact the lives of those you share it with. So that is my motivation behind this blog is that my story or the things that God lays on my heart my resonate with someone like Justin and Trisha story did with me and help them to realize how much God loves them and has in store for those who love Him in return.