S.A.H.M. is it every mom's calling?

This post has been at least ten years in the making if you count the years I have been a mom, twenty if you count the years I have been a working part of society. You see unlike some I have never been able to separate the two. I started working in the food industry when I was fourteen all the while dreaming of one day being a wife and mother. I think at a young age I assumed I would be solely a stay at home mom. As I neared the end of high school my parents stressed the importance of going to college and getting a degree and for that I am very grateful. At first I didn't know what I wanted to major in but after two years at community college majoring in art I took a look at my life until that point and my God given talents and decided that a degree in the culinary arts is what I wanted to pursue. So at that time my possible future career goals put marriage and a family on hold. James encouraged me to finish college before we got married and for that I am grateful to him. I am thankful to my parents for encouraging me to get the tools needed to pursue a career and for James' consistent support of me finding outlets to use those tools I gained over four years of school and $50,000+ in scholarships and grants.

So when we decided to move back from Madison because we were pregnant with Grace, the questions started about me leaving my chef/ management job and choosing to stay home with Grace. So my choosing to be a stay at home mom was criticized but James and I weighed it all out and after having to pay for childcare there was really no financial benefit to me working outside the home. We have never had the luxury of free childcare as some do with the option of a family member watching our children. Thankfully I have been blessed with jobs that I could do from home for most of the last 10 years. God knows we could have never kept our heads above water if I wasn't able to help bring in some sort of income. So first I was criticized for considering to stay home with Grace, then when I did get a job that allowed me to contribute financially and be home with my kids I was criticized for working at all.

Every few years since I became a mom I would get this itch to cook and/or bake professionally and I was able to find a few opportunities outside the home during times when James would be home with the kids and for that I am grateful. I am glad I didn't let what was once a fire in me to pursue a culinary career grow cold and die because if I ever do want to resurrect it again it would have made me very undesirable to be hired by anyone.

The last few years it has always been the plan for me to go back to work once the kids were in school and once again I find myself being criticized for now hanging up my stay at home mom apron for a few hours a day a few days a week to work outside the home while the kids are in school or home with with their dad. There is a saying: do what you know in your heart is right for you will be criticized anyway. This is so true, because it seems no matter what I have chosen to do with the benefit of my family the forefront of my mind I have always been criticized. It is especially hard to understand when it comes from friends and family though. No one besides James and I know all the in and outs of our financial history, how much we have had to learn over the years most the time the hard way through trial and error. I can't imagine standing by watching my husband who already bares most of the burden of the stress of our finances and of providing for our family carrying that all alone. So, so help me God if there was or is ever away for me to alleviate some of the stress and some of that burden I am going to.

I was raised with a strong work ethic from my father and also to know the benefits of staying home with my children as much as possible from my mother and I know from experience I can do both and have it be the best thing for our family. It is never James and my desire to have the biggest house or the nicest car or take the best vacations, but it is our desire to be debt free and have some money saved for the future and maybe to be able to take a vacation every few years at least and to have a little extra to allow the kids to participate in extra curricular activities etc..

So this is why I work, because it was ingrained in me from a young age, because it means being able to teach my kids what healthy finances look like, and because I believe being a mom doesn't mean you can't work too if that's what is best for your family in the big picture. I want my kids to grow up knowing that being a parent especially for my girls doesn't mean you die to the dreams and aspirations you had outside of  being a parent. If your dream is to be a stay at home parent and financially you are able to pursue that dream then God bless you, but please don't judge someone else who financially and consciously can't do the same.

I have learned especially in the past year that I am a better mom when I can help make our family's financial situation better and when I can have an outlet to be the other things I am in addition to being a mom and a wife. I have more patience with my kids and husband now and I enjoy the time we do have together more because I am not consumed with feeling that I can't help us be in a better place financially. I also am more relaxed when it comes to not having the house being perfect because when that was the only thing I felt I had control over or as an outlet for my energy I was obnoxious about it or would get depressed and give up because it was a never ending exhaustive cycle.

My life feels like it is the most balanced it has ever been, so although from the outside I may look busier than ever, I am actually spending more time being and playing with my kids than ever instead of picking up after them or nagging them about making messes. For some moms staying at home exclusively is what they are called to do and they have been blessed to fulfill that calling and find joy in it. But I have seen others who are stay at home moms and have so neglected anything they once were that they are depressed or so frustrated they take it out on their kids or once their kids leave home expect their husbands to fill the void left and are frustrated that he can't and it damages their relationship sometimes beyond repair. Sorry for the long rant but maybe this will help someone think twice before they judge someone for being a full time stay at home mom, a part time stay at home mom or a mom who has to work full time.